Rampant Greed #2

Here's another example of a frivolous lawsuit that was brought simply because the plaintiff couldn't find an easier way to try and make himself wealthy. This guy lost his lawsuit over finding flies in his bottled water.

It's too bad he lost this lawsuit, because it's pretty clear that God sent this poor bastard a sign that he was destined for greatness. Maybe he'll sue God next for not moving the courts to find in his favor. After all, being suddenly wealthy was supposed to be God's great plan for him, that's why he sent him a bottle of water with flies in it, right? Damn courts, damn government, damn God!

What I think should happen, now that he lost his lawsuit, is the bottled water company should send him a lifetime supply of the same water before it goes through the treatment and purification plant. If he lost his desire for sex because he found a couple of flys in his water then he should be forced to drink it straight...lets see what that does for the ol' love machine. Dysentery is so very sexy.

This is also proof that there are too many lawyers. This guy probably opened the Canadian Yellow Pages and called the first ambulance chaser he could find. Imagine this conversation with me.

"Law Offices, how can I help you?"
"Hello, I'd like to sue the people that make water?"
"Why?"
"I found two flies in my bottle of water."
"Well, sir, I think you have a very strong case. I believe we might be able to get you an award of at least $343,000."
"Are you kidding? That's it? I want a couple million, how can I get a couple million dollars out of this?"
"Well sir, we can say you suffered some kind of terrible trauma. What would be the worst thing that you can think of as a result of finding flies in your water?"
"Ummmm, I haven't had sex since I found the flies?"
"Good, good. When did you find the flies in your water?"
"An hour ago."
"And you haven't had sex in the last hour?"
"I haven't had sex for eight years!"
"Because of the water?"
"No, because I'm too poor to afford a prostitute!"
"Excellent sir, I think we can make this work. You were just an impoverished every-man's man and you needed a refreshing drink of water to lift you up out of the gutter, dust off your wounded spirit and get you back into the springs of life. You were one swig of thirst-quenching H2O away from a life of prosperity and good fortune!
And then there were flies. Flies that trickled away your hopes and dreams. Flies that drained your enthusiasm for sex. Flies that rained on the very vision of your future!!
Yes sir, I think we can make this VERY profitable for you. By the way, what brand was the water you were drinking?"
"It's called 'Spanish Fly'."
"Oh my sir, I'm positively drooling. Not only does your water have flies, but it is named such that the disgusting contaminates are right on the label! We are going to make you a very rich man. Come by my office this afternoon and drop off my retainer and we'll get you on your way to the good life."

The part that gets under my skin, I mean really just sets off my fuse, is that the plaintiff claims he found it hard to take a shower. I know I'm being judgemental here, but from the sounds of it this guy wasn't exactly intimate with the shower before the bottled-water-with-flies incident.

Oh yeah, and he had visions of "flies walking over feces". Excuse me Mr. Waddah Mustapha, but if you didn't sleep in the damn street you wouldn't see feces, with or without the flies. Those aren't visions, you actually just passed out drunk in a gutter!

Geez, this stuff gets me all worked up.